The heart of a mother is one of life’s beautiful gifts. It’s a mothers heart that will give her body to carry her baby. Give of her breasts to feed. Stay up late nights with a crying baby. Her heart causes her to sacrifice to make sure her child has every thing he or she needs and she’ll give her life for them. She’ll go without food, and clothes. It motivates her to work her fingers to the bone so that her child has the very best. It’s the mother’s heart that kisses booboos. Her heart keeps her up late at night crying and praying for a rebellious child. A mothers heart gives us a glimpse into the heart of our Heavenly Father.
But sometimes that mother’s heart can work against us. Let me explain what I mean.
Lately, my husband and I have been walking in uncharted territory. Our oldest son graduated from highschool last year but he decided to stay at home and attend a local community college. So we have an adult who is still living at home. This is new and we’ve been trying to figure out how to respect him as an adult and yet set boundaries that honor the values of our family. It’s been a challenge!
Though he is a young man, he still needs us. He needs to use our car or he needs us to take him places. He needs the use of our home for recording his music. (And to live) He needs food–lots of food! I’m sure none of this is shocking information.
Here’s where the problem arises. After my husband and I decide on a reasonable boundary or expectation for our son, I often find myself wanting to compromise. My mothers heart wants to sacrifice for my child rather than have him experience discomfort. And yet… Logically I know this is good for him.
I cannot tell you the number if times I’ve battled internally and often given in to my mother’s heart. And every time I’ve inconvienced myself to make life easier for him, I’ve ended up frustrated! Eventually I realized that something had to change.
He’s a man. He’s not supposed to stay comfortable in the nest. He’s supposed to feel a bit cramped– like a bird who can’t fully spread it’s wings. That’s because birds don’t fly in the nest. They soar once they leave the nest.
A mothers heart wants to keep the nest nice and comfortable.
Our hearts don’t seem to realize that our children aren’t little ones any more. That as they grow older we must sometimes push them out of the nest. That we must sometimes be the cause of their discomfort, and their frustration.
Because our children cannot fulfill their destiny sitting comfortably in the nest.
In fact we stunt their growth when we keep them comfortable in the nest. And growth means bumps, bruises, failures and bad decisions. We must allow our children grow. That means allowing them fail and experience the consequences of that failure. That means not keeping them in a little bubble or trying to “fix” every problem.
Every time we allow them to fall and get up, they get stronger.
We want our children to be strong, right?
Yet, it isn’t easy to watch these things happen, especially when you know how to fix it. Love that is deeply rooted in truth must override that mother’s heart as we do what is best –especially when they don’t like it. And when it hurts our mother’s heart to do it.
The more I’m doing this, I’m seeing the wonderful results from it. It’s getting easier but not easy.
I’m learning how to let my mother’s heart drive me to pray intensely for my children.
For I know that my Heavenly Father is able to transform their mess-ups into beautiful masterpieces. I know He can catch them when they fall. I know he will always be there for them.
Ultimately, I want them to be utterly dependent on their Heavenly Father–not me.
By the way, your children know how to pull the strings of your heart –That’s why I’m glad children have dads too!